No.Nonsense.

The stories this week of the cancellation of the new Bachelorette season on ABC and the investigation of its contestant, Taylor Frankie Paul, has brought to light a silent epidemic that doesn’t get much coverage, the prevalence of domestic violence against men.

Statistically, one in three women have experienced violence from their partner. For men, it’s one in ten. The issue, though, is that it’s very likely that this number is in fact higher. Why? It is estimated that only about 28% of women report their abuse but for men, that number drops to about 10%.

The reason for this disparity is that men are expected to be the more dominant gender, bigger and stronger. Biologically they are indeed so, but that doesn’t negate the fact that they can be the victims of domestic violence from a woman.

I know a man who experienced such violence because he had been raised not to hit women, meaning that he would not raise his hand to her to defend himself despite the fact that she was hitting him. This was a regular occurrence when she became angry to believe that she could strike him. And he never hit back.

For men, there is the perceived shame in being struck by a woman. Many feel they would not be believed if they said they were abused by their partner. For men who are victims of ongoing domestic abuse, there are only a fraction of resources available to them to get them to a safe place. There are an abundance of shelters for women- very few where men can go and even fewer that can take them with their children.

The most infuriating part of this story is that Taylor had accepted a plea deal in 2023 for a domestic incident with the same partner where she left bruises on him as well as on her daughter resulting from her throwing a metal stool. Her partner had filmed this altercation and that video was part of the court record. Despite this knowledge of DV history, Taylor was platformed in the reality show Secret Lives of Mormon Wives on Hulu and then elevated to the Bachelor franchise on ABC. The producers of these shows all the way up to the executives at Disney, which owns both of these networks, knew this video existed as well as the conviction- and ignored it.

If the roles had been reversed and he had been the one shown in the video to be hitting her, there would have been outrage and immediate cancellation. But for her to be the abuser and he the abused? That was summarily dismissed. And now she has become violent with him again in an altercation where she ripped a chain off his neck among other violent acts.

Way back in 1998, we saw the results of this type of DV when Phil Hartman was shot and killed by his wife. Reports have come out that he had been a victim of domestic partner abuse for years, coming to a head that night in their bedroom where she ended his life. This was not covered as DV but as her having psychiatric issues. Because of this lack of honesty in the reporting, his ongoing abuse was not part of the narrative. Just a couple of years ago during the trial between Johnny Depp and Amber Heard, we saw similar dismissals where she was initially viewed as the victim when he was the one who literally had part of his finger cut off during a domestic incident. I admire his willingness to lay out the fact that he was the injured party, and the jury who acknowledged that fact. So often, even if he is the abused, he is seen as the aggressor who ignites the fire in the woman that leads her to violence, still making her the victim.

No matter how volatile a relationship, violence should never be tolerated, whether male on female, male on male, female on female- or female on male. Until we realize that men can indeed be victims as well and hold their partners accountable, we will never fully shine a light on this type of violence.

As for those executives at Disney, shame on them. It was only after Taylor’s current charge and the outrage that it caused that they finally relented and cancelled the premiere of her Bachelorette season. Furthermore, they knew of the charge more than two weeks ago and had the cast of Mormon Wives call them out in a Zoom meeting, but it was just two days before the scheduled premiere that they finally pulled the Bachelorette.

We need to stop the dismissals and call out all manner of domestic partner violence. Hold people accountable for their actions from the person throwing the punch to the executive ignoring the behavior and continuing to elevate that person. It is shameful that reporting is so low, but nothing will change until these victims know they will be believed.